Success
Success Tweet 137: Work and Play Well With Others
Oct 26th
My new career success coach book Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less is turning out to be quite a hit. It is now in its third printing. Over 2,500 people have downloaded the free eBook version. I think it’s a great addition to my career advice writings. Go to www.SuccessTweets.com to get a .pdf of Success Tweets for free.
I’m almost at the end of this series of posts; it has taken me 28 weeks and one day to blog about each of the tweets in Success Tweets. I’m happy with the result. In a few weeks, I’ll consolidate these blog posts into a free eBook for you, so you’ll be able to download both Success Tweets and The Success Tweets Blog.
I’ve created what I consider to be the best source of free life and career success advice on the internet. All humility aside, I think that the Success Tweets book, coupled with these 141 blog posts, is as good or better than a lot of the career advice on the internet for which you have to pay. Follow the career advice in Success Tweets and these 141 blog posts and you’ll be on your way to creating the life and career success you want and deserve.
Today’s career advice comes from Tweet 137…
Do your job; give credit to others for doing theirs. Everyone likes to work with people who share the credit for a job well done.
As I was searching the net for some inspiration on what to write about for this tweet, I came across a piece by Susan Heathfield on About.com called “Play Well With Others at Work.” Successful, interpersonally competent people are able to build strong relationships with the people with whom they work – this involves both working and playing well with others at work. Here is an edited version of what Ms. Heathfield has to say about playing well with others at work.
These are the top seven ways you can play well with others at work. They form the basis for effective work relationships. These are the actions you want to take to create a positive, empowering, motivational work environment for people.
• Suggest solutions to the problems you identify and raise. Identifying problems is easy. People who provide thoughtful solutions the problems and challenges they raise earn the respect and admiration of their coworkers and bosses.
• Don’t ever play the blame game. You alienate everyone around you. Yes, you may need to identify who was involved in a problem. You may even ask the Deming question: what about the work system caused this failure? But, not taking responsibility for problems you create and publicly identifying and blaming others for failures creates enemies. These enemies will, in turn, help you to fail. Interpersonally competent people realize that they need allies at work.
• What you say and what you do matters. When you talk down to someone, use sarcasm, or sound nasty, other people are likely to hear you. We are all radar machines that constantly scope out our environment. In one organization a high level manager said to me, “I know you don’t think I should scream at my employees. But, sometimes, they make me so mad. When is it appropriate for me to scream at the employees?” Answer? Never. This goes for people who aren’t in leadership positions too. It’s never appropriate to raise your voice to a colleague or coworker.
• Never blind side people. Interpersonally competent people keep their colleagues in the loop. They discuss problems with the people directly involved before discussing them with others. Interpersonally competent people do not ambush others. They know that if they do, they will never build effective work alliances. And without alliances, you never accomplish the most important goals.
• Keep your commitments. When you fail to meet deadlines and commitments, you affect the work of other people. Always keep commitments, and if you can’t, make sure the affected people know what happened. Provide a new due date and honor the new deadline.
• Share credit for accomplishments, ideas, and contributions. It’s very rare to accomplish a goal or complete a project with no help from others. Take the time, and expend the energy, to thank, reward, recognize and specify contributions of the people who help you succeed. This is a no-fail approach to building effective work relationships.
• Help other people find their greatness. Every person has talents, skills, and experience. If you help people harness their best abilities, you benefit them and your organization immeasurably. Personal growth and development benefits everybody. Compliment, recognize, praise, and notice contributions. You don’t have to be a manager to help create a positive, motivating environment.
If you use the career advice in seven actions regularly – especially number 6, “Share credit for accomplishment, ideas and contributions,” you will become known as someone who plays well with others. And, you’ll develop effective work relationships. You’ll become interpersonally competent. Colleagues will value you. Bosses will believe you are a team player. You’ll accomplish your work goals, and you may even experience fun, recognition, and personal motivation. Work can’t get any better than that.
The common sense career success coach advice here is simple. Successful people follow the career advice in Tweet 137 in Success Tweets. “Do your job; give credit to others for doing theirs. Everyone likes to work with people who share the credit for a job well done.” Pay attention of Susan Heathfield’s advice when she says, “Share credit for accomplishments, ideas, and contributions. It’s very rare to accomplish a goal or complete a project with no help from others. Take the time, and expend the energy, to thank, reward, recognize and specify contributions of the people who help you succeed. This is a no-fail approach to building effective work relationships.” If you follow this career advice, you’ll be on your way to not only building strong work relationships, but to the life and career success you deserve.
That’s my take on the career advice in Success Tweet 137, sharing the credit. What’s yours? Please take a few minutes to share your thoughts with us in a comment. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
Success Tweet 136: No One Can “Make You Angry”
Oct 25th
My new career success coach book Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less is turning out to be quite a hit. It is now in its third printing. Over 2,500 people have downloaded the free eBook version. I think it’s a great addition to my career advice writings. Go to www.SuccessTweets.com to get a .pdf of Success Tweets for free.
I’m almost at the end of this series of posts; it will have taken me 28 weeks and one day to blog about each of the tweets in Success Tweets. I’m happy with the result. In a few weeks, I’ll consolidate these blog posts into a free eBook for you, so you’ll be able to download not only the Success Tweets book, but have the career advice in the Success Tweets Blog all in one place.
I’ve created what I consider to be the best source of free life and career success advice on the internet. All humility aside, I think that the Success Tweets book, coupled with these 141 blog posts, is as good or better than a lot of the career advice on the internet for which you have to pay. Follow the career advice in Success Tweets and these 141 blog posts and you’ll be on your way to creating the life and career success you want and deserve.
Today’s career advice comes from Tweet 136…
Be responsible for yourself. No one can “make you angry.” Choose to act in a civil, constructive manner in tense situations.
The career advice in this tweet relates to your personal values. Your values are your personal guide for day to day living. They are the best way to take responsibility for yourself. They help you make decisions in your everyday life. Values ground you – providing direction for decision making in ambiguous situations.
Because I’m in business for myself, I have two sets of values – one set guides my personal life; the other, my professional life. They are complimentary, but have slightly different foci.
My personal values are…
- Always do my best.
- Treat all people with the respect and dignity they deserve as fellow human beings.
- Help others wherever and whenever I can – with no strings attached.
- Use my common sense.
- Be a supportive and loving husband.
My business values are…
- I believe we too often make things more complex than they really are. I help my clients simplify the complex, and develop and implement common sense solutions to their problems and issues.
- I believe in human potential. I assist my client organizations and the individuals in them to use applied common sense to achieve their full potential.
- My clients pay a premium for my services. Therefore, I provide them with extraordinary value-added services in order to justify their faith in me.
- My clients trust me. They openly discuss their aspirations, hopes, fears, problems and opportunities with me. This trust is sacred. I will not violate it.
- All of my customers are unique. I honor this uniqueness. I don’t sell one-size-fits-all consulting, career success coach or speaking services. I am diligent about gaining a complete understanding of each client’s unique needs before I suggest a course of action.
I use these values as a guide for my day to day living. I do my best to conduct myself in a manner that is consistent with them. Several months ago, I did a blog post in which I mentioned an argument I had with my dad. I let myself get angry over a trivial matter. After I calmed down, I called my dad to apologize. I did this because one of my personal values is, “Treat all people with the respect and dignity they deserve as fellow human beings.”
By raising my voice and arguing, I was not conducting myself in accordance with one of my personal values – so I had to do something (apologize) to rectify the situation. This value of treating people with respect and dignity is so ingrained in me that I had a feeling of unease for the two days it took me to apologize for losing my temper.
That’s the way values work. They become so much a part of you that when you act in a manner inconsistent with them, you feel a little off and uncomfortable. This discomfort led me to do what I needed to do to fix the problem I had created.
Just last week I had an experience that gets at what I’m talking about here. I sent an email to a group of people with whom I have an affinity asking if they would like to join me as a joint venture partner. Several said “yes.” I received a response from one person that was an email with a subject line that said REMOVE. There was no body in the text.
I sent this person a very nice email in which I apologized for bothering her, assured her that I would not contact her again and attached one of my eBooks as a sign of good will. I received a rather condescending response to the second email – offering me coaching on email etiquette. We traded two more emails discussing this issue.
I finally figured out that this person had a strong need to have the last word in this correspondence. I chose to let her have the last word. By letting her have the last word, I was following the career advice in Tweet 136. “Choose to act in a civil, constructive manner in tense situations.”
I still think that I was the aggrieved party in this situation, but in the long run it doesn’t matter. I took responsibility for not extending a conflict situation – that was of little or no importance – by letting the other person have the last word – something that seemed important to her.
The common sense career success coach point here is simple. Successful people are clear about what they want out of their lives and careers. They define what career success means to them, personally. They create a vivid mental image of their career success. And they develop a set of personal values that guide their day to day life. They follow the career advice in Tweet 136 in Success Tweets. “Be responsible for yourself. No one can ‘make you angry.’ Choose to act in a civil, constructive manner in tense situations.” In other words, pick your battles. If you find yourself in conflict over something that is a rather trivial matter, let it go. If you do and say things for which you are sorry, apologize. But above all, remember to take personal responsibility for your own behavior.
That’s my take on the career advice in Success Tweet 136 and on personal values and success. What’s yours? Please take a few minutes to leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always thanks for reading.
Bud
Success Tweet 134: Resolve Differences Quickly
Oct 21st
My new career success coach book Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less is turning out to be quite a hit. It is now in its third printing. Over 2,000 people have downloaded the free eBook version. I think it’s a great addition to my career advice writings. Go to www.SuccessTweets.com to get a .pdf of Success Tweets for free.
If you want to purchase a hard copy for yourself – or two or three to give to friends, associates, people you mentor, people you manage, your kids, your grandkids – go to Amazon.com or send me an email at Bud@BudBilanich.com. I’ll send you quantity pricing information.
Today’s career advice comes from Tweet 134…
Settle disputes and resolve differences quickly. Don’t let them drag on. Engage the other person in meaningful conversation.
An article that appeared in the Wednesday May 9 2007 Business Day section of The New York Times made a clear point about the importance of resolving conflicts quickly.
“On March 23, Andrew N. Liveris, the chief executive of Dow Chemical, wrote a scathing performance review about one of his top lieutenants.
“‘I expect to see that your negative body language when you disagree with a course of action is eliminated,’ he wrote to the executive, Romeo Kreinberg, who ran the $21 billion performance plastics and chemical business portfolio. ‘Frankly, your recent behavior was the last straw and I will not allow such destructive behavior to be repeated.’
“Mr. Liveris gave Mr. Kreinberg three months to change his behavior. Otherwise, he warned, ‘I will have no choice but to sever your links with Dow.’”
From the sounds of it, Mr. Kreinberg is a poster boy for a lack of interpersonal incompetence. “Negative body language”…“destructive behavior.” It would have been fun — or depending on your position, hell — to be a fly on the wall in the meetings that led up to Mr. Liveris’ review of Mr. Kreinberg’s performance.
In my experience, people who are so blatantly unaware (or uncaring) of the impact of their behavior on others, very seldom end up running $21 billion businesses. Most never make it past the level of individual contributor or first level manager.
There is some simple, but powerful common sense career advice here. If you can’t build and maintain strong relationships with the people in your organization; and if you can’t learn to deal with conflict in a positive manner, you are unlikely to become a life and career success.
If you want to create the career success you deserve, realize that yoy have to continue working with the people with whom you occassionally find yourself in conflict. Accept decisions that go against you graciously. Pitch in and help make decisions work; even if you argued strenuously against those decisions before they were made. Avoid “negative body language” and “destructive behavior” – for the good of your company, and your own career success.
By the way, Mr. Liveris fired Mr. Kreinberg three weeks later for a non related issue – being “involved in unauthorized discussion with third parties about the potential acquisition of the company.”
The common sense career success coach point here is simple. Successful people follow the career advice in Tweet 134 in Success Tweets. “Settle disputes and resolve differences quickly. Don’t let them drag on. Engage the other person in meaningful conversation.” Don’t let your body language show how negative you feel about a decision or other person. Don’t engage in destructive behaviors – actions that damage your reputation, your relationships and your company. Instead address differences head on. Resolve them quickly and move on. Treat people with whom you disagree with dignity and respect. This type of behavior will put you on the road to the life and career success you want and deserve.
That’s my take on the career advice in Success Tweet 134. What’s yours? Please take a minute to leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
Success Tweet 132: Two Keys to Building Strong Relationships — Trust and Abundance
Oct 19th
My new career success coach book Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less is turning out to be quite a hit. It is now in its third printing. Over 2,000 people have downloaded the free eBook version. I think it’s a great addition to my career advice writings. Go to www.SuccessTweets.com to get a .pdf of Success Tweets for free.
Today’s career advice comes from Tweet 132…
Trust is the glue that holds relationships together. The more you demonstrate trust in others, the more they will trust you.
My best career advice regarding building relationships comes down to two words: trust and abundance.
When you trust others you are willing to put yourself out there – to give with no expectation of return, to act in a non quid pro quo manner. Recently, I did a blog post in which I mentioned a chapter I wrote in 42 Rules for Creating WE called “There is no quid pro in WE”. In that post, I pointed out that while there is nothing wrong with returning the favor when someone does you a good turn, waiting for others to help you in not a good idea when it comes to building relationships. Successful people are willing to put themselves out there – to pay it forward.
Paying it forward takes trust, but it is great career advice. Trust yourself to do for others with no guarantee of return. Trust that others won’t take advantage of you. Trust the universe in that the good you put out there will come back to you in unexpected ways.
Trust is the glue that holds relationships together. The more you demonstrate trust in others, the more they will trust you.
Abundance is also important in building relationships. People who come from an abundance mentality see life as a non zero sum game; a perspective that holds that we can all be winners in the game of life and career success. They realize that there is enough for all of us – enough money, recognition, career success, the things that people who come from a scarcity mentality see as in short supply. People who come from a scarcity mentality see life as a zero sum game; if you win, I have to lose and vice versa.
I choose trust and abundance because I have seen them work in the real world – and I find that I am happier with myself when I am trusting and come from a place of abundance. What do you choose – trust and abundance, or mistrust and scarcity? The choice you make can have a huge impact on your ability to build relationships and create the life and career success you want and deserve.
The common sense career success coach point here is simple. Successful people are competent at building strong, mutually beneficial relationships with the important people in their lives. They follow the career advice in Tweet 132 in Success Tweets. “Trust is the glue that holds relationships together. The more you demonstrate trust in others, the more they will trust you.” A trusting attitude and abundance mentality are the best way to build relationships. When you trust yourself, others and the universe, you will approach life from an abundance mentality. You’ll be willing to give of yourself with no expectation of direct return. This world view will make it easier for you to build and maintain the relationships that will help you create the life and career success you want and deserve.
That’s my take on the career advice in Success Tweet 132 and on the importance trust and abundance when it comes to building strong relationships. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
Success Tweet 131: Be Happy for Others’ Career Success
Oct 18th
My new career success coach book Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less is turning out to be quite a hit. Over 2,000 people have downloaded the free eBook version and several people have purchased multiple copies of the hard copy book. I think it’s a great addition to my career advice writings. Go to www.SuccessTweets.com to get a .pdf of Success Tweets for free.
Today’s career advice comes from Tweet 131…
Be happy to see others succeed. Use the success of others to motivate you to greater success.
A while back in a post I did on optimism and self confidence, I mentioned a quote in which a guy by the name of Ambrose Bierce bashed optimism – and I am an incurable optimist. I advocate optimism as a way to create self confidence and career success.
Anyway, Ambrose defined optimism as…
“The doctrine that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong… It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious.”
I come across quotes from Mr. Bierce frequently. Check out this one, “Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.” Both of these quotes are really cynical. I wondered what kind of guy would produce them.
So I decided to learn something about Ambrose Bierce. As it turns out, he was called “Bitter Bierce” by his contemporaries. And I can see why. First he bashes optimism, then he suggests that human beings see the good fortune of others as a personal calamity.
Ambrose Bierce was an interesting character. He was born in 1842, and served in the Union Army during the Civil War. No one knows for sure, but it is thought that he died in 1914. In 1913, he traveled to Mexico to get involved with the revolution going on there.
He joined Pancho Villa’s army in Juarez. On December 26 1913, he posted a letter to a friend from Chihuahua. That was his last correspondence. Wikipedia says, “Several writers have speculated that he headed north to the Grand Canyon, found a remote spot there and shot himself, though no evidence exists to support this view. All investigations into his fate have proved fruitless, and despite an abundance of theories his end remains shrouded in mystery. The date of his death is generally cited as ‘1914?’”. His disappearance is one of the most famous in American literary history.
In 1906 Ambrose Bierce published “The Cynic’s Word Book.” The title was changed “The Devil’s Dictionary”. It is a book of satirical definitions of English words. Ambrose was clever, I’ll give him that. I often see quotes from this book online, including the one that inspired today’s post, “Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.”
But I digress. I wish he were around today, because I would like to ask him where he got his bleak view of human nature. He defines politeness as, “The most acceptable hypocrisy.” In another quote, he defines perseverance as, “A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.”
Do you know any people like Ambrose Bierce? If you do, hold them at arm’s length. While you may find them to be witty and entertaining at first, they will drag you down in the long run.
People like Ambrose Bierce may be clever, but their views are incompatible with becoming self confident, creating positive personal impact, building strong relationships and becoming a life and career success.
Successful people look for, and usually find, the best in others. They are polite because it is the best way to build strong relationships. They are willing to extend themselves to help others, even when they can see no immediate return to them for so doing.
If you read this blog regularly, you know I am a big fan of The Optimist Creed. Point 6 says,
“Promise yourself to be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are of your own.”
This is 180 degrees from the Ambrose Bierce quote that I cited at the beginning of this post and from his life view in general. Successful, self confident, optimistic people aren’t jealous or upset by the success of others. They are genuinely pleased when they see others succeed. They use others’ success as an inspiration that motivates them to achieve their own life and career success.
If you would like a copy of The Optimist Creed that you can frame and hang in your workspace, go to http://budbilanich.com/optimist.
The common sense career success coach point here is clear. Successful people are self confident. They create positive personal impact, are interpersonally competent and adept at building strong relationships with the people around them. In part, they build these relationships by being genuinely pleased about the success of others. They are not jealous, nor petty. They are happy to see others succeed. They follow the career advice in Tweet 131 in Success Tweets. “Be happy to see others succeed. Use the success of others to motivate you to greater success.” Successful, self confident people use the success of others to motivate themselves to greater career success. They aren’t jealous. They are happy to see others succeed, if for no other reason, others’ career success can be a springboard for their own life and career success.
That’s my take on the career advice in success Tweet 131 and on Ambrose Bierce, self confidence and how one reacts to the career success of others. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts on these ideas. As always, thanks for reading – and writing.
Bud
Success Tweet 121: Vital Instincts
Oct 4th
My new career success coach book Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less is turning out to be quite a hit. Over 1,000 people have downloaded the free eBook version and smany more have purchased multiple copies of the hard copy book. I think it’s a great addition to my career advice writings. Go to www.SuccessTweets.com to get a .pdf of Success Tweets for free.
If you want to purchase a hard copy for yourself – or two or three to give to friends, associates, people you mentor, people you manage, your kids, your grandkids – go to Amazon.com or send me an email at Bud@BudBilanich.com. I’ll send you quantity pricing information.
Today’s career advice comes from Tweet 121…
Get genuinely interested in others. Help bring out the best in everyone you know. Others will gravitate to you.
This post is the first of 20 on the relationship building – the final life and career success competency. Relationships are an important key to creating the life and career success you want and deserve. None of us can do it alone. We all need other people if we are going to create the life and career success we want and deserve..
It’s difficult — if not impossible — to build strong, mutually beneficial relationships with the people in your life if you don’t display a genuine interest in them. Show other people that you care about them as people. Do small things like remembering the name of their spouse and children, ask about their family, learn about their interests outside of work. You don’t have to become best friends with everybody at work, but it helps tremendously if you take the time to know them as whole people, not just work colleagues.
For years, I’ve made it a habit to remember other people’s birthdays and send them an ecard. It’s easy to do. There are any number of online sites that will allow you store people’s birthdays. They will even send you a reminder a week before. It’s a small thing – and one which is hardly ever reciprocated – but people are always pleased when I remember their birthdays. Remembering people’s birthdays is just one small way that you can follow the career advice in Success Tweet 121 – get genuinely interested in others.
A couple of years ago, I hosted an internet radio show on which I interviewed some very interesting people. Judith Glaser was one of them. Judith is an executive and organizational coach. She has worked with many fortune 500 companies…names you all know: Pfizer, JP Morgan Chase, Clairol, IBM, Citibank, Pepsico, Verizon, among others. Judith is the best-selling author of Creating We, one of Fortune Magazine’s forty best business books in 2005.
She and I discussed Creating We and the thinking behind it in some detail. Here’s an excerpt from that conversation. I particularly liked what Judith had to say about our “vital instincts”. Judith says that we all have a vital instinct to bond with others. Demonstrating a genuine interest in others is a great way to begin the bonding process and to create your career success.
Judith: If you focus on the team level and the individual units aren’t learning how to bond, then we’ve missed what creates the ongoing energy and momentum from making something happen.
Bud: When you say individual units, you’re talking about the…
Judith: People
Bud: The people who make up an organization, whether it’s 20 person organization, or a 20,000 person organization?
Judith: Yes.
Bud: You talk about vital instincts in your book, and can you talk a little bit about that?
Judith: I had a most amazing “ah-ha” that came to me somewhere in the beginning or middle of the first year when I was trying to articulate what this was all about. The backdrop to this is that I wrote a business dictionary in 1986 so I had to come up with 3,500 new business terms that weren’t in the mainstream dictionary. That’s how I actually got my name Benchmark for Benchmark Communications.
In the process, words became a fascination for me, and I said “what if there was no word yet that existed to explain what it was that was driving human beings to be together and to be successful together?” In that pursuit, I came up with the term “vital instincts.” I decided that human beings have vital instincts that are alive all the time when we feel trust and when we are in a good relationship with someone.
When this trust is broken, and we become a fearful and distrusting person there is a loss, or the cutting of those vital instincts. This interruption of communication with someone is actually what causes people to fight and want to survive or focus only on their own self interest.
Bud: So if I get this right, we all have a need to trust other people and have a bonding need, a need to be in relationships with people?
Judith: Yes.
Bud: And when we struggle in relationships — whether it’s in our marriages, our friendships or at work, it usually means that someone severed that trust that was the glue in the bond, or at least created the impression that the trust was severed?
Judith: Exactly, when people feel that trust has been severed, they will go to someone else to build a new bond or to secure the bond that they have for safety and being in a relationship and being in a healthy communication.
So let’s say you and I have a fight and all of a sudden our bond is broken. I then feel a need to re-secure that bond with someone else so I turn to him or her and I say, “you know that Bud guy, can you believe what he just did to me?” And then all of a sudden I have a new friend who’s now helping me. If you watch animals, it’s licking wounds.
Bud: So vital instincts, at their core, really are a bond. We all seek to have relationships with other human beings. Sometimes we develop relationships that don’t work so well and can be harmful to an organization because the bonding results from you and your other person talking about how bad I am, to use your example.
Judith: Exactly. And that’s what we say when an organization is dysfunctional – that’s what we’re talking about. And by the way vital instincts are so powerful and so important that if we don’t have them, if we take children and leave them in the forest for example without human contact they do not grow beyond, they’re called feral, they don’t grow beyond being animals.
And so this instinct for bonding is also what leads to the ability for human beings to grow and develop parts of their brain that enables them to socialize and enable them to innovate and enable them to contribute.
Bud: Let’s talk about conventional wisdom. Just how do we get along – what do we need to do to work well together and build strong relationships?
Judith: I’ve come to believe that creating we, is not just getting along and working with each other. I really focus on getting down to the basics. If two human beings can sit down with each other, and they can talk about what a strong relationship would look like and then they can talk about what they need to give each other to create that; then they can talk about what they’re going to do if they fall out of it so that they can continually get back into it. Then we have something that talks about how people can stay in that “we” and in that bonding relationship.
Bud: So relationship building – bonding if you will — is dealing with people in a straight-forward, open manner. I think that a lot of what you’re saying, and I think a lot of people who are listening to you are saying “what she’s saying makes sense” and it really does.
Judith: Thank you.
Judith Glaser’s ideas about vital instincts are important for anyone who aspires to be an interpersonally competent person and a life and career success. Interpersonally competent people have the ability to build strong bonds with the people in their lives – and the ability to repair and strengthen those bonds when they are threatened. Pick up a copy of Creating We. I think you’ll find it to be interesting and stimulating reading.
The common sense career success coach point here is simple. You can’t become a life and career success all on your own. You need to build strong, mutually beneficial relationships with other people. Follow the career advice in Tweet 121 in Success Tweets. “Get genuinely interested in others. Help bring out the best in everyone you know. Others will gravitate to you.” It is easier to create strong relationships when you bond with others. Judith Glaser calls bonding a “vital instinct” of all human beings. And, as she astutely points out, bonding is based on trust. Build relationships by being a person worthy of others’ trust. Becoming genuinely interested in others is the first step in the trust building process and some great career advice.
That’s my take on the career advice in Success Tweet 121. What’s yours? How do you build strong, lasting, mutually beneficial relationships with the important people in your life? Please take a few minutes to share your thoughts with us in a comment. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
Success Tweet 95: Trust Yourself
Aug 27th
I’m really enjoying writing this series of posts further explaining the ideas in my latest career success coach book, Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less. I hope you’re enjoying reading them. I’m pleased to say that Success Tweets is now in its second printing. You can pick up a copy at your local book store, or online at Amazon.com. Better yet, you can download the eBook for free at http://www.successtweets.com.
Today’s career advice comes from Tweet 95…
Get into a high performance mindset. Don’t question yourself. Trust your skills and abilities.
If you want to create the life and career success you want and deserve you have to trust yourself. Trusting yourself is one of the key components of self confidence. Self confident people cultivate a high performance mindset, one in which they believe they will succeed at whatever they attempt.
If you read this blog, you know that I am a big fan of The Optimist Creed.
Point 4 of the creed says,
“Promise yourself to look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.”
Point 7 says,
“Promise yourself to forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.”
You have to trust yourself to put these two bits of common sense career advice into play. Optimists trust themselves. They trust themselves to do whatever is necessary to meet the goals they set for themselves. They trust themselves to develop the skills they need to meet their goals. They trust themselves to create the life and career success they want and deserve.
There is a lot of great career advice in The Optimist Creed. I have prepared a .pdf of it that you can download, print and hang in your office – just like I have done. If you would like a copy of The Optimist Creed, go to http://budbilanich.com/optimist.
Here’s a personal example about trusting yourself. I have trained thousands of people in leadership skills, I’ve led hundreds of team building workshops, I’ve coached hundreds of people, helping them create the life and career success they want and deserve. Recently, I decided that I wanted to reach a broader audience – not just the people who work for the Fortune 500 companies who have engaged my consulting and coaching services.
To do this, I needed to make my ideas more widely available via the internet. Several years ago, I realized that I didn’t have a clue about how to prepare, present and market my ideas on the internet. I trusted my knowledge and wisdom, but I didn’t know how to get it to a broader audience. This might have stopped some folks dead in their tracks. But I trust my ability to learn new skills.
First I learned how to blog, and then I committed to blogging five days a week. I’ve kept that commitment for the past five years. I blog every Monday through Friday with the exception of two weeks at the end of the year. That’s 250 posts every year. Then I learned about social media. I spend about an hour a day on Twitter, LinkedIn and Facebook sharing my thoughts on life and career success. Finally, I’m continuing to learn about internet marketing – affiliate programs, membership sites, etc. When I started, I had no internet marketing skills. Today, I am a bit of an expert. I say this realizing that I need to keep learning and growing in this field.
I trusted myself. I knew I had something of value to give, and I knew I could learn the skills necessary to reach large numbers of people. By the end of this year, I will have launched several information products on the internet – all because I trusted my ability to learn and my motivation to do new things.
How about you? Do you trust yourself? Do you believe that what you have to offer is important and of high quality? Do you believe that you can learn what you need to know to succeed? I bet you do, or you wouldn’t be reading this blog post.
The common sense career success coach point here is simple. Successful people believe in themselves. They follow the career advice in Tweet 95 in Success Tweets. “Develop a high performance mindset. Don’t question yourself. Trust your skills and abilities.” Trusting your skills and abilities means knowing when you need to learn something new, and then doing whatever it takes to gain that knowledge. Be a self confident optimist. Trust yourself. Know in your heart of hearts that you will succeed.
That’s my take on the career advice in Success Tweet 95. What’s yours? Please take a minute to share your thoughts with us in a comment. I appreciate and value every one of your comments. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
Success Tweet 94: Lighten Up
Aug 26th
I’m really enjoying writing this series of posts further explaining the ideas in my latest career success coach book, Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less. I hope you’re enjoying reading them. I’m pleased to say that Success Tweets is now in its second printing. You can pick up a copy at your local book store, or online at Amazon.com. Better yet, you can download the eBook for free at http://www.successtweets.com.
Today’s career advice comes from Tweet 94…
Don’t take yourself too seriously. Lighten up. It will help you master yourself and become an outstanding performer.
I love the internet. You can find anything and everything there. I googled “lighten up”. I got 1,740,000 hits in less than half a second – 0.42 seconds to be exact. I clicked on a Wiki How called “How to Lighten Up” and found six common sense tips on how to lighten up.
1. Stop assuming you know everything. Nobody knows everything – even in his or her field. When you think you know everything, you become closed to new ideas.
2. Stop exaggerating. Be truthful with yourself about your skills and abilities. Just like you should avoid assuming you know everything, you need to avoid coming across to others as a know it all. Knowing it all sets you up for unwanted stress.
3. Let go of things. I love what the WikiHow has to say about this. “Better to be humble and humorous about your journey through life than to be the drama queen of Seriousville.” Learn from your mistakes and move on. Don’t hold grudges.
4. Laugh. Be willing to laugh at yourself. It may just be me, but I laugh about myself or something I do almost every day. I’m not an idiot, but I do make my share of human mistakes. Instead of getting frustrated, I choose to laugh. Laugh with others. Share their humor. But, never laugh at others.
5. Delegate. This may come as a surprise to you, but you’re not indispensible. Someone else can probably do your job at least as good, and maybe better than you. The old saying “if you want something done right, do it yourself,” just isn’t true. Figure out what you’re holding on to just to satisfy your ego, and then let it go.
6. Stop being so rules focused. We make lots of rules for ourselves. Things like “I should do this,” or “I should do that.” As one of my early mentors told me – “Don’t should on yourself. You’ll be happier.” I couldn’t agree more.
I love these tips, and agree with them. I thkn they are great career advice. I particularly like number 4 – laugh. I think that the ability to laugh at yourself on one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself – and the people around you. Being too serious, beating up yourself over mistakes causes lots of stress. And it makes you an unpleasant person. No one wants to be around someone who is constantly frustrated by the smallest mistakes.
I heard a story about a teacher the other day. She asked some young children just learning to read if they could identify the animal in a picture she showed them. One little boy said, “it’s a frickin’ lion.” The teacher was upset about his choice of modifiers. When she pointed that out to him he said, “It is a frickin’ lion. It says so right here.” The teacher was frustrated, but looked at the picture again and saw that the caption read, “African Lion.” Now that’s cause to laugh – at yourself and the phonics method of learning to read.
I also like point number 6 – stop being so rules focused. As I mentioned above, we sometimes create unreasonable expectations for ourselves and these expectations become rules – if only in our head. These rules become “shoulds.” “Don’t should on yourself ” is some of the best career advice I’ve ever received. Stop thinking that you should do this, or should be so far along in your career, or shouldn’t have to do a job you think is below you. The best way to stop letting unnecessary rules govern your life is to stop making up rules to govern you. Don’t should on yourself.
The common sense career success coach point here is simple. Successful people work hard at creating the life and career success they want and deserve. But they don’t take themselves too seriously. They follow the career advice in Tweet 94 in Success Tweets. “Don’t take yourself too seriously. Lighten up. It will help you master yourself and become an outstanding performer.” If you want to lighten up laugh a little more, don’t get too caught up in rules by making too many “shoulds” for yourself. Or, as one of my early mentors always said, “Don’t should on yourself.”
That’s my take on the career advice in Success Tweet 94. What’s yours? Are you willing to laugh at yourself? Do you learn from your mistakes and move on? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
Success Tweet 93: Increase Your Heart Rate
Aug 25th
I’m really enjoying writing this series of posts further explaining the ideas in my latest career success coach book, Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less. I hope you’re enjoying reading them. I’m pleased to say that Success Tweets is now in its second printing. You can pick up a copy at your local book store, or online at Amazon.com. Better yet, you can download the eBook for free at http://www.successtweets.com.
Today’s career advice comes from Tweet 93…
Becoming a high performer is easier if you’re physically fit. Increasing your heart rate is a great way to improve your fitness level.
As a career success coach, I advise my clients to live a healthy lifestyle. This means eating right and exercising. You don’t have to become a tri-athlete; every little bit of exercise helps. Exercise helps you increase your heart rate. I like to ride my bike to increase my heart rate.
Dan Robey is a friend of mine. He is the author of The Power of Positive Habits. I am one of his subscribers. A while back, I received a great e mail from Dan where he discussed how brisk walking is a positive habit – and a great way to increase your heart rate. Dan is a generous guy and he always lets me repost his posts here.
Check out what Dan robey has to say about the power of brisk walking…
Make “Brisk Walking” A Positive Habit
“Not running, not jogging, but walking is your most efficient exercise and the only one you can safely follow all the years of your life.” – Executive Health Organization
Walking as a daily exercise habit can truly be a life-changing positive habit and is one of the most powerful habits for reaching your goal of a healthy trim and fit body. Over the past 20 years, there have been dozens of studies that have proven the benefits of brisk walking.
Thousands upon thousands of people have improved their health and lost weight by the diligent habit of walking. If you think that walking does not provide the same benefits as other more vigorous exercises, think again.
A study published by the New England Journal Of Medicine showed that postmenopausal women who walked regularly lowered their risk for heart disease just as much as women who did more vigorous exercise, such as playing sports or running.
This study suggests that walking is just as good for your heart as heavy exercise. I spoke with study author Dr. JoAnn E. Manson, Chief of Preventive Medicine at Brigham and Womens Hospital, Professor of Medicine, at Harvard Medical School. She said, “The study provides compelling evidence that walking and vigorous exercise provide similar heart benefits, about a 30% to 40% reduction in the risk of cardiovascular disease with 30 minutes per day of either activity.”
I also asked her about the benefits of making brisk walking a positive habit, and she responded, “They could surely walk away from heart disease and several other chronic diseases. We have also found that brisk walking for at least 3 hours a week can lower the risk of stroke, type 2 diabetes, and breast cancer.”
No pain, no gain, is an outdated notion; exercise doesn’t need to be strenuous or uncomfortable. It can be easy and enjoyable. Even though the study consisted solely of women, it is likely that men would experience similar benefits from the positive habit of brisk walking.
Here are additional benefits you will receive from your habit of brisk walking:
Walking burns calories and helps you lose weight and burn excess body fat.
Walking can help to improve your posture.
Walking requires no special equipment or gyms.
Walking can help lower blood pressure and help prevent circulatory and heart disorders.
Brisk, aerobic walking will give you the benefits of other exercises, such as jogging and cycling, but without the risk of injuries.
Walking at night can help promote better sleep.
Dan makes some great points about the benefits of developing a positive habit of brisk walking. Personally, I prefer to bicycle in the summer, and walk in the winter.
A lot of the people who I coach say that they know they should exercise, but often can’t seem to “get around to it.” I have come up with the answer this problem. I have printed several thousand stickers that are round and say “TUIT” in big capital letters. Whenever someone tells me that they know they should do something but can’t seem to get around to it, I give them one of these stickers. It is a round TUIT. I tell them that now they can never say that they can’t get a around to it anymore, because they have a round TUIT. I have a round TUIT sticker on my computer. I have another one on my bike. They are constant reminders to me to keep up good work and exercise habits.
Would you like a round TUIT? If so, please send me and email at Bud@BudBilanich.com with the words “Round TUIT” in the subject line. Include your snail mail address, and I’ll put up to five round TUITs in the mail to you – free of charge. Use them for yourself, or give them to your friends who are procrastinators — especially about exercise.
Make sure that you get around to living a healthy lifestyle. Elevate your heart rate. Brisk walking is a great way to start.
The common sense career success coach point here is simple. Successful people are outstanding performers. Outstanding performers live a healthy lifestyle. They follow the career advice in Tweet 93 in Success Tweets. “Becoming a high performer is easier if you’re physically fit. Increasing your heart rate is a great way to improve your fitness level.” My friend Dan Robey, author of The Power of Positive Habits says that brisk walking is a great way to increase your heart rate and one of the most healthy habits you can adopt. I agree, almost everybody can walk. The more you walk, the healthier you’ll be. Dan points out that “No pain, no gain, is an outdated notion; exercise doesn’t need to be strenuous or uncomfortable. It can be easy and enjoyable.” Elevate your heart rate daily. Llike the Nike ads say, Just Do It! Or as this career success coach says, “Get around to it.”
That’s my take on the career advice in Success Tweet 93 and on developing positive habits that will keep you healthy and on top of your game. What’s yours? Please take a minute to leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
Success Tweet 92: Your Peak Energy Times
Aug 24th
I’m really enjoying writing this series of posts further explaining the ideas in my latest career success coach book, Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less. I hope you’re enjoying reading them. I’m pleased to say that Success Tweets is now in its second printing. You can pick up a copy at your local book store, or online at Amazon.com. Better yet, you can download the eBook for free at http://www.successtweets.com.
Today’s career advice comes from Tweet 92…
Determine your peak energy times. Schedule high brain tasks when your energy is high and low brain tasks when it is low.
A long time ago I learned that my energy is high at the beginning of the day and at the end of the day. My energy is lowest mid day. I do my best to schedule myself accordingly.
I reserve the morning for my important and urgent tasks – like writing and posting this blog. I use late afternoons and early evenings to work on my important but not urgent tasks – like writing my books and other thought pieces. Mid day, I catch up on correspondence, return phone calls, exercise and run errands.
This works for me. I think best and most clearly in the morning and have a bit of a sinker mid day. My energy and mental acuity picks up again late in the day. This is really helpful, as I get a lot done late in the day when many people are biding their time getting ready to go home.
This schedule works for me. It may or may not work for you. You have to determine your peak energy times and schedule yourself accordingly.
However, no matter how well you plan your day, surprises and interruptions will come along. A couple of years ago, I saw a great article on Success.com by David Allen called “It’s Not About Time.” Mr. Allen suggests that too often we focus on managing our time when we should, in fact, be focused on managing ourselves.
“The savvy know that self management is really an issue of what we do with ourselves during the time we have. Self-management needs to encompass managing our thoughts and emotions, and dealing effectively with our work, family and community relationships. It’s about gaining dynamic balance of control and perspective to achieve more successful outcomes and feel more relaxed along the way.
“Self-management is about knowing what to do at any given moment. It’s dealing effectively with the things we have to do to achieve our goals and fulfill our purpose. It’s also about deciding the importance of the varied and constant information coming at us.”
What do you think about David Allen’s ideas on self management? I like them. Even though I try to schedule my high brain tasks at the beginning and end of the day, I sometimes end up doing them mid day when my energy is lowest. I have found that no matter my preference, sometimes I have to deviate from it to handle matters that are out of my control.
As David Allen says, “self-management is about knowing what to do at any given moment.” This means that you cannot become a slave to your to-do list or your personal preferences. No matter how well you plan, you will be faced with new problems and opportunities every day. Sometimes what I want to do is different from what I need to do. I bet you find this to be true too. My best career advice is to do what you need to, not what you want to, as you go through your day.
Do your best to schedule yourself so that you can deal with high brain tasks when your energy is highest. But when circumstances create different demands, suck it up and do the best you can every moment you have. The problems and opportunities on which you focus at any given moment in time will have a big impact on the level of your performance and, ultimately, your career success. Don’t be so focused on managing your time that you miss opportunities because they fall outside of your plan for the day.
The common sense career success coach point here is simple. If you want to succeed in your life and career, you need to become an outstanding performer. To become an outstanding performer, you need to become a lifelong learner, set and achieve high goals and be well organized. Self management and time management are two important keys to becoming organized. They are tied to the career advice in Tweet 92 in Success Tweets. “Determine your peak energy times. Schedule high brain tasks when your energy is high and low brain tasks when it is low.” But don’t become a slave to your to do list or preferred manner of working. As David Allen points out, “Self management is different from time management because it allows you to respond at your best to surprises.”
That’s my take on the career advice in Success Tweet 92 and the difference between self management and time management. What’s yours? As always, I’m interested in your perspective on these thoughts. I welcome and appreciate your comments. Thanks for reading.
Bud
