listening skills
Success Tweet 109: The 2/3 — 1/3 Rule for Conversation Success
Sep 16th
My latest career success coach book, Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less is about to go into its third printing. That really pleases me. It has become a greater success than I thought it would be. You can pick up a copy of Success Tweets at your local bookstore or at Amazon.com. Better yet, you can download it for free at www.SuccessTweets.com.
I’m in the home stretch of a series of blog posts that further explain the career advice in Success Tweets – just 32 more to go. Today’s career advice comes from Success Tweet 109…
Use the 2/3 – 1/3 rule. Listen two thirds of the time; speak one third of the time. Focus your complete attention on the other person.
Listening to others and then responding appropriately is one of my first rules for becoming an outstanding conversationalist and a career success. I always urge my career success coach clients to do three things when they are in conversation. 1) Ask lots of questions. 2) Really listen to what the other person is saying. 3) Respond appropriately. Number 3 is very important. Laugh if the person says something funny. Commiserate if the person reveals something that is sad. Make sure the other person knows you are tuned in and paying attention.
Most people like to talk about themselves. That’s why listening is so important. You can gain a reputation as a great conversationalist – even if you don’t say much. Listening is that important. That’s why the 2/3 – 1/3 rule is such great career advice.
Of course, adding your thoughts to the conversation doesn’t hurt – as long as you keep them focused on what the other person is saying. If you absolutely need to change the subject, let him or her know. Say something like, “I understand and appreciate what you’re saying. If we’re done with that topic, I need to speak with you about something else. OK?” In that way, you’re demonstrating your respect for the other person and signaling your intent to move on to a different subject.
In her great book, CEO Material, my friend Debra Benton has a lot to say about listening and conversation. Here is a small sample…
“The best way to influence others is with your ears. If you listen in a way that causes people to feel heard, you’ll hear things right the first time, maintain the self esteem of others, build better relationships, see nuances.
“Shut out other people and distractions, and stop thinking about what anyone else is thinking or your response. Take off your headphones, stop texting, turn off your cell phone, put away your Blackberry. Don’t doodle; fidget with your hands, arms or fingers’ squirm; body rock: or get up and move around (like you have ADD). Instead, lean forward, tilt your head a little, give some eye contact, and maybe throw in a brow furrow, don’t glance around or act bored, disbelieving, or disagreeing. Just listen to the person who is talking, remember what he or she says, and say some of it back to that person later.
“Don’t quit listening if you don’t like what you’re hearing. Pay attention to complete information. Try to make sense of the data, even if you don’t agree. Not every misguided opinion needs to be corrected by you. Pick your battles, as they say. You’ll create calm for both of you — and the other person will more likely listen to you also.”
That is not only great advice on listening. It’s great career advice as well.
The common sense career success coach point here is simple. Successful people are dynamic communicators. Conversation skills are one key to becoming a dynamic communicator and a career success. Follow the career advice in Tweet 109 in Success Tweets. “Use the 1/3 – 2/3 rule. Listen two thirds of the time; speak one third of the time. Focus your complete attention on the other person.” Listening is at the heart of being a good conversationalist. If you want to become known as a good conversationalist, do three things: 1) Ask lots of questions. 2) Really listen to what the other person is saying. 3) Respond appropriately. If you make sure the other person knows you are tuned in and paying attention, you’ll be able to conduct a productive conversation with just about anyone you meet, become known as a dynamic communicator and be on your way to the life and career success you want and deserve.
That’s my take on listening, conversations, career success and the career advice in Success Tweet 109. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts and ideas with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
Success Tweet 107: Listen More Than You Speak
Sep 14th
My latest career success coach book, Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less is about to go into its third printing. That really pleases me. It has become a greater success than I thought it would be. You can pick up a copy of Success Tweets at your local bookstore or at Amazon.com. Better yet, you can download it for free at www.SuccessTweets.com.
I’m in the home stretch of a series of blog posts that further explain the career advice in Success Tweets – just 34 more to go. Today’s career advice comes from Success Tweet 107…
Become an excellent conversationalist by listening more than speaking. Pay attention to what other people say; respond appropriately.
Dynamic communication is a career success competency. If you want to become a dynamic communicator, you need to develop three skills: conversation, writing and presenting. The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines the word “dynamic” as, “Marked by continuous and productive activity.” In many ways, this is a good definition for an effective conversation.
In a conversation, two types of activities occur simultaneously: speaking and listening. In good conversations, both of these are continuous and productive. In plain English, when you’re in a conversation, if you’re not speaking and providing information, you need to be listening and receiving it.
In other posts I’ve pointed out that asking good questions is an important way to become known as a great conversationalist. But to take full advantage of the questions you ask, you need to really listen to the answers and respond appropriately.
Here are my top seven tips for becoming a good listener – and conversationalist.
1. Look the other person in the eye when he or she is speaking. This demonstrates that you are engaged with him or her.
2. Listen to understand what the other person is saying – not to plan your rebuttal.
3. Listen really hard when the other person begins by saying something with which you don’t agree.
4. Know the words that trigger your emotions. Don’t get distracted by them.
5. Be patient. Some people take longer than others to make their point. Don’t interrupt.
6. Ask clarification questions when you don’t understand.
7. Repeat what you have heard the other person say – to make sure you got it right, and to show him or her that you were listening.
These seven tips are great career advice. If you use them in conversation, you will become known as a great conversationalist and a dynamic communicator.
The common sense career success coach point here is simple. Successful people are competent. Dynamic communication is an important key success competency. If you want to become a dynamic communicator, you have to become a good conversationalist. To become a good conversationalist follow the career advice in tweet 107 in Success Tweets. “Become an excellent conversationalist by listening more than speaking. Pay attention to what other people say; respond appropriately.” Learn to listen well. Listening, like a lot of career success advice, is just common sense. Show the other person you are engaged. Focus on understanding, not on rebutting points with which you don’t agree. Don’t get distracted by words that trigger your emotions. Ask clarification questions to ensure you understand what is being said. Repeat what you’ve heard. Most of all, get in the habit of listening more that speaking.
That’s my take on listening and the career advice in Success Tweet 107. What’s yours? Please leave a comment sharing your best listening advice. As always, thanks for reading – and writing.
Bud
