dealing with fear
Success Tweet 56
Jul 5th
Happy Independence Day to my readers in the USA. I hope you are enjoying the long weekend. Cathy and I did a lot of biking and saw a couple of mivies and some great live fireworks on Saturday and enjoyed the Washington DC, New York and Boston ones on TV yesterday.
I’m still enjoying writing this series of posts on the career advice in my latest book Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less. I hope you are enjoying reading them. You can purchase a copy of Success Tweets at Amazon.com or your local bookstore – or you can get a free copy of the eBook at www.SuccessTweets.com.
Today’s post is on Tweet 56…
Self confidence must come from within. Outside reinforcement and strokes can help, but you have to build your own confidence.
“I am not confident, what do I need to do to become more confident?” I get asked this question a lot. Here is how I respond…
Self confidence is an inside job. Self confident people are optimistic. Self confident people face their fears and act. Self confident people surround themselves with positive people. If you want to build your self confidence, focus on becoming an optimist, facing your fears and surrounding yourself with positive people. Let’s look at each of these in a little more detail.
Optimism
Max Moore defines optimism as “the fuel of heroes, the enemy of despair, the creator of the future”. Optimism is the opposite of pessimism which Denis Boyle says is “as magnetic as any black hole, swallowing one good day after another until there are no good days left”. Read that sentence again. It’s great career advice for becoming more self confident – avoid the black hole of pessimism.
In a very interesting article in the March/April 2007 edition of AARP, The Magazine (yes, I’m old enough to be a member) Mr. Boyle makes some great points about optimism and pessimism:
“The essential truth about optimism: the opportunities for it are everywhere. They just get ignored…Pessimism though, is the default state of our psyche, and the easy way out. We tell ourselves there is nothing we can do because life sucks, black holes abound, Murphy’s Law rules. Meanwhile, optimism takes effort. Despites tons of information provided by zealous pessimists, optimists believe everything will turn out fine. They are able to do something no pessimist can: they do their part to make sure tomorrow will be better than today. To subscribe to optimism means that you have a role in shaping your own future. Why is this important? Because it’s how stuff gets done. No successful individual could conduct business with a set of pessimistic assumptions…Work, progress, great ideas all are fueled by optimism.”
I agree with this career advice. I am an optimist. I admit that in these days of high unemployment and oil spills it can be difficult being optimistic, but I choose to be relentlessly optimistic. I believe every day is going to be a good day – and set about making it so. I believe I will succeed in every project I undertake. This optimism fuels my self confidence, and my self confidence drives my performance.
Tal Ben-Shahar teaches a course in Positive Psychology at Harvard. He had 800 students in his course last year. He offers the following three tips for becoming more optimistic:
- Give yourself permission to be human – don’t beat up yourself about mistakes.
- Express gratitude often.
- Engage in activities that give your life pleasure as well as meaning.
Fear
Fear is the enemy of self confidence. It’s also very normal. We’re all afraid sometimes. Usually it’s fear of failure. Fear can be debilitating, paralyzing us into inaction. Over the years, I’ve found how to face up to my fears and to conquer them. Indecision, procrastination and inaction feed fear. Action cures it.
I offer my career sucess coach clients four easy steps for dealing with fear.
- Identify it
- Admit it
- Accept it
- Take action to deal with it
In the post on Success Tweet 46, I discussed these four steps for dealing with fear in detail. Check it out if you missed it.
Positive People
Surround yourself with positive people – people who are both positive by nature, and positive about their success in their life and career. Positive people are optimistic – and as I’ve discussed above, optimism is the first step in building self confidence.
Positive people help you feel good about yourself, because they feel good about themselves and life in general. Positive people are there when you begin to doubt yourself. They help you build your self esteem because they have a strong sense of self esteem. People with a strong sense of self esteem are not threatened by others. They realize that self esteem is not a fixed pie. There is an unlimited amount of it to go around. Therefore, you can build your self confidence just by being around upbeat, positive people.
Self confident people take the time to identify and build relationships with mentors. Wikipedia defines a mentor as “a trusted friend, advisor, counselor or teacher; usually a more experienced person…Today mentors provide their expertise to less experienced individuals in order to help them advance their careers, enhance their education, and build their networks.” Mentors are positive people by definition. You cannot be willing to lend your wisdom and expertise to another person without being hopeful about that person and his or her future.
I have had several mentors over my career: Bert Phillips, Maggie Watson, Dick Pelton, Bill Rankin, Howard Sohn were all trusted friends and advisors at one time or another in my career. I believe that mentoring is so powerful that as I turn 60, I am working with three mentors. Russell Brunson, Stephanie Frank and Nancy Marmolejo are helping me turn the intellectual property that I have developed over the past 35 years into products that can be sold on line.
Mentors challenge you to do better. That’s why they are so important in building self confidence. As they challenge you, they are also telling you that “you can do it”. Having someone who believes in you – like a mentor – is a one of the best ways I know to build self confidence and life and career success.
The common sense career success coach point here is simple. Successful people are self confident. They understand the career advice in Tweet 56 in Success Tweets. “Self confidence must come from within. Outside reinforcement and strokes can help, but you have to build your own confidence.” You can build your self confidence by becoming an optimist, facing your fears and acting and surrounding yourself with positive people. Self confidence is an inside job. You have to create it yourself. But once you do, you’ll find that it’s an upward spiral. Your confidence will inspire you to take on challenges. Your success in dealing with these challenges will help you become more confident – which in turn, will allow you to take on and meet even greater challenges. A pretty good message on Independence Day weekend if I do say so myself.
That’s my take on the career advice in Tweet 56 in Success Tweets. What’s yours? Please take a few minutes to share your thoughts with us by leaving a comment.
Bud
Success Tweet 46
Jun 21st
I’m participating in the Self Help Gifts Giveaway. You can find some great free life and career success gifts there. Check it out www.selfhelpgiftsgiveaway.com.
Meanwhile, I’m still writing about the ideas in my new career success coach book, Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less. I have about 100 more blog posts to go. When I’m finished, you’ll have an in depth discussion on each of the 141 tweets in Success Tweets. You can get a free copy of the eBook at www.SuccessTweets.com. Hard copies of the book are available on Amazon.com and your local bookstore.
Today’s career success post is on Tweet 46…
Four steps for dealing with fear that can sabotage your success: identify it, admit it, accept it, do something about it.
Fear is normal. Fear is common. Fear is human. However, fear is a career success killer. We’re all afraid sometime. Successful people face their fears and act. I’ve learned a few things about fear over the years. Here is my best career advice on dealing with fear.
Fear breeds indifference. Indifference breeds self doubt and worry. Often, it’s easier to go with the flow and do nothing than attempt to do something of which you’re afraid. When you say to yourself “It’s OK, it doesn’t really matter anyway,” ask the next question – “What am I afraid of here?” Identifying your fear is the first step in dealing with it.
Self doubt is a form of negative self talk. Our words can become self-fulfilling prophecies. Positive self talk leads to life and career success. Negative self talk leads to fear and failure. If you catch yourself saying things like “I can’t do this; I’ll never be successful; I’ll never get out of this mess,” then you never will. If you say things like “I can do this; I have what it takes to become a career success; I can solve this problem,” then you will.
Worry and excessive caution will paralyze you. Some people spend so much time worrying about the bad things that could or might happen that they never take action and actually do something to prove that good things happen too. Worrying too much can bring you and your life and march toward career success to a screeching halt.
A boat that never leaves the harbor is pretty safe. However, it is not doing what it is meant to be doing. The same is true for people. If you never take a risk, you’ll never know what you are capable of accomplishing.
Here are my career success coach tips for doing battle with your fears.
1) Identify what you fear. Figure out why you’re afraid. Is it fear of failure? Is it fear of making the wrong decision? Is it fear of a lost opportunity? Are you afraid that you aren’t up to task? Once you identify the reason behind your fear, you are well on the way to overcoming it.
2) Admit what you fear. It’s OK to be afraid. You wouldn’t be human if you were never afraid. A common definition of courage is the ability to feel fear and still do what you need to do regardless. In 1988, I faced a very frightening decision. Should I stay in a comfortable but ultimately unsatisfying job with a large corporation, or should I start a career success coach business? I was afraid of failing. Failing meant that I would lose my savings and have to start over again, looking for a job in another corporation. However, once I identified and admitted my fear, I was able to take the next step – acceptance.
3) Accept what you fear. Accepting your fears is important, because it shows that you know you’re human. Once I accepted that I was afraid of failing, I was able to start my business and succeed. In fact, I embraced my fear of failure. It made me work harder; it pushed me to work the long hours and learn the entrepreneurship lessons necessary to be successful as a self employed career success coach, consultant and speaker.
4) Take action. Action cures fear. It is the most important of these four steps. Do something! The worst thing that can happen is that you’ll find it was the wrong thing to do – and you will have eliminated at least one thing from your list of possible actions.
The common sense career success coach point here is simple. Successful people follow the career advice in Tweet 46 in Success Tweets. “Four steps for dealing with fear that can sabotage your success: identify it, admit it, accept it, do something about it.” This is very important career advice. Action is the antidote to fear. In most cases, you’ll make good decisions and your fears won’t be realized. In the cases when you choose poorly, you’ll find that failure isn’t as catastrophic as you imagined. Successful people learn from their failures. By taking action on your fears, you win on both counts. You win if you make a good decision and things work out. You even win if you make a bad decision and things go poorly, because you have an opportunity to learn from your decision and the subsequent problems you faced.
That’s my take on the career advice in Tweet 46 in Success Tweets. What’s yours? Please take a minute to leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
Success Tweet 45
Jun 18th
I’m still writing about the ideas in my new career success coach book, Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less. I have about 100 more blog posts to go. When I’m finished, you’ll have an in depth discussion on each of the 141 tweets in Success Tweets. You can get a free copy of the eBook at www.SuccessTweets.com. Hard copies of the book are available on Amazon.com and your local bookstore.
Today’s career success coach post in on Tweet 45…
Everyone is afraid sometime. Self confident people face their fears and act. Look your fears in the eye and do something.
Fear is the enemy of self confidence. Self confident people face their fears and act. Procrastination is the manifestation of fear. When I find myself procrastinating, I stop and ask myself “What are you afraid of here, Bud?”
Usually, the answer is on the 12 most common fears on the list below. Which of these stop you from moving forward? What are you doing about them?
- Fear of failure – This type of fear has its roots in the misconception that everything you do has to be 100% successful.
Fear of success – This type of fear is based on the idea that success is likely to mean more responsibility and attention, coupled with pressure to continue to perform at a high level.
Fear of being judged – This type of fear comes from the need for approval that most people develop in childhood.
Fear of emotional pain – This type of fear is rooted in wanting to avoid potential negative consequences of your actions.
Fear of embarrassment – This type of fear is a result of empowering others to judge you when you demonstrate that you’re only human by making mistakes and having lapses of judgment.
Fear of being abandoned or being alone – This type of fear is related to rejection and low self esteem.
Fear of rejection – This type of fear comes from personalizing what others do and say.
Fear of expressing your true feelings – This type of fear holds you back from engaging in open, honest dialogue with the people in your life.
Fear of intimacy – This type of fear manifests itself by an unwillingness to let others get too close, less they discover the “real you.”
Fear of the unknown – This type of fear manifests itself as needless worry about all of the bad things that could happen if you decide to make a change in your life.
Fear of loss – This type of fear is related to the potential pain associated with no longer having something or someone of emotional significance to you.
Fear of death – The ultimate fear of the unknown. What will happen once our spirits leave our bodies?
By identifying your fear, you are more than half way to conquering it. In the next post, I will present my four step plan for dealing with fear.
But in the meantime, remember this career advice. Action is the antidote to fear. In most cases, you’ll choose wisely and your fears won’t be realized. In the cases when you choose poorly, you’ll find that failure isn’t as catastrophic as you imagined. Successful people learn from their failures. By taking action on your fears, you win on both counts. You win if you make a good decision and things work out. You even win if you make a bad decision and things go poorly, because you have an opportunity to learn from your decision and the subsequent problems you faced.
The common sense career success coach point here is simple. Successful people are self confident. Self confident people face their fears and act. They follow the career advice in Tweet 45 in Success Tweets. “Everyone is afraid sometime. Self confident people face their fears and act. Look your fears in the eye and do something.” Procrastination is the physical manifestation of fear. When you find yourself procrastinating, figure out what scares you about the situation. Is it fear of failure? Is it fear of success? Is it fear of rejection? Is it fear of being embarrassed? Is it fear of the unknown? Once you’ve figured out why you are afraid, do three things; admit your fear to yourself, embrace your fear, take action. Action is the antidote to fear.
That’s my take on the career advice in Tweet 45 in Success Tweets – dealing with your fears. What’s yours? Please take a few minutes to leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us. As always, thanks for reading.
Bud
