My new career success coach book Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less is turning out to be quite a hit.  It is now in its third printing.  Over 2,000 people have downloaded the free eBook version.  I think it’s a great addition to my career advice writings.  Go to www.SuccessTweets.com to get a .pdf of Success Tweets for free. 

If you want to purchase a hard copy for yourself – or two or three to give to friends, associates, people you mentor, people you manage, your kids, your grandkids – go to Amazon.com or send me an email at Bud@BudBilanich.com.  I’ll send you quantity pricing information. 

Today’s career advice comes from Tweet 133…

Resolve conflict positively.  Treat conflict as an opportunity to strengthen, not destroy, the relationships you’ve worked hard to build.

Successful people resolve conflict in a positive manner.  No matter how interpersonally compent, or how easy going you are, you will inevitably find yourself in conflict.  People will not always agree with you, and you will not always agree with others.

I know a little bit about conflict resolution.  It was the topic of my dissertation at Harvard.  Way back in the 1970’s Ken Thomas and Ralph Kilmann developed an instrument to measure a person’s tendencies when in a conflict situation.

They came up with five predominant conflict styles: Competing, Collaborating, Compromising, Accommodating and Avoiding.  Their research suggests that all five are appropriate depending on the situation.

As a career success coach however, I have found that the Collaborating style is the best default mode.  When you collaborate with others to resolve conflict, you focus on meeting both your needs and needs of the other person. I like this style because it helps you bring together a variety of viewpoints to get the best solution.

When you collaborate, neither person is likely to feel as if he or she won or lost.  Also, collaborating with the person or persons with whom you are in conflict creates the opportunity for you to work together to build a solution that best addresses everyone’s concerns.

Successful people are adept at resolving conflict in a positive manner.  Collaboration is the best choice of the five most common handling styles.  When you collaborate with others – especially those with whom you are in conflict — you not only are likely to resolve your conflict in a positive manner, you will strengthen your relationship with the other person.  It’s a win-win.

When I work collaboratively with someone, I focus on our similarities, not our differences.  This creates a bond that not only helps us get through our conflict, but helps us strengthen our relationship, and strong relationships lead to career success.

This method for dealing with conflict is counter intuitive.  By definition, conflict is a state of disagreement.  When I’m in conflict with someone however, instead of focusing on where we disagree, I focus on where we agree. 

This is a great way to not only resolve conflict positively, it helps strengthen relationships.  And, as we all know, conflict often leads to a deterioration of relationships.  So to me this approach is a no brainer.  First, you get to resolve conflict positively.  Second, you strengthen your relationships.  Third, you improve your chances of becoming a life and career success.

I look for any small point of agreement and then try to build on it.  I find that it is easier to reach a larger agreement when I build from a point of small agreement, rather than attempting to tear down the other person’s points with which I don’t agree. 

Most people don’t do this.  They get caught up in proving their point.  They hold on to it more strongly when someone else attacks it.  If you turn around the discussion and say, “Let’s focus where we agree, and see if we can build something from there,” you are making the situation less personal.  Now the two of you are working together to figure out a mutually agreeable solution to your disagreement.  You’re not tearing down one another’s arguments just to get your way.  Try this.  It is great career advice.  And it works.

President Obama demonstrated this in his first speech to a joint session of Congress.  As he was winding up his talk, he said…

“I know that we haven’t agreed on every issue thus far, and there are surely times in the future when we will part ways. But I also know that every American who is sitting here tonight loves this country and wants it to succeed. That must be the starting point for every debate we have in the coming months, and where we return after those debates are done. That is the foundation on which the American people expect us to build common ground.

“And if we do — if we come together and lift this nation from the depths of this crisis, if we put our people back to work and restart the engine of our prosperity, if we confront without fear the challenges of our time and summon that enduring spirit of an America that does not quit, then someday years from now our children can tell their children that this was the time when we performed, in the words that are carved into this very chamber, ‘something worthy to be remembered.’ Thank you, God bless you, and may God bless the United States of America.”

Regardless of your political views, the President is right on with this one.  When you come together with the people with whom you are in conflict by identifying some small point on which you agree, you are putting yourself in the position to begin building a resolution to the conflict – one that is likely to better than either side’s opening position.  And, by working together, you’ll be strengthening your relationship.  This will facilitate even more effective conflict resolution down the road. 

Look for common ground.  When you find it, build on it.  You’ll find that this is a great way to resolve conflict in a manner than enhances, not destroys relationships, and leads to life and career success.

Be assertive, not aggressive in resolving conflict.  Here’s a true story.  Frontier flight 862, Denver to Phoenix. I get on late because I’m on standby for an earlier flight. I have a middle seat, 14B. When I arrive at row 14, there are women sitting in seats A and C. I say hello, stow my bags, and get into my seat.

The woman in 14A smiles at me, looks at the book I have in my hand, and says, “That looks like an interesting book.” I’m reading Laura Lowell’s book 42 rules of Marketing. We chat a minute about the book and then lapse into some general conversation.

Her name is Cheryl Munsey, and as it turns out, Cheryl and I know a few people in common. She’s very personable. We chat the whole time the plane is taxiing and through take off.

As soon as the plane is in the air, the woman in 14C rings the flight attendant call button. The flight attendant comes on the loud speaker and says, “We are still in our ascent. Will the person who rang his or her call button turn it off until we reach our cruising altitude? Leave it on only if it’s a real emergency.”

14C leaves the light on. I’m worried that she might be ill. The flight attendant struggles down the aisle. When she arrives at our row, 14C says “I need a pair of headphones. These people are talking too much and driving me crazy.” As she is saying this, she is removing ear plugs.

I feel badly. I tend to speak softly in crowded, enclosed places like airplanes and was surprised that our conversation was annoying her – especially when she was wearing ear plugs. I say to 14C, “I apologize if we were annoying you. I didn’t realize we were speaking so loudly.” She says, “I was trying to sleep,” and puts on the headphones that she got from the flight attendant.

Not a minute later, she rings the call button again. When the flight attendant comes back, she says, “I need another pair. These earphones aren’t drowning out these people.” I thought this was kind of peculiar, as Cheryl and I were stunned by what happened and really hadn’t said anything since her original comment that we were speaking too loudly.

All of this should just go into one of those irritating, bizarre moments in life files and be forgotten. However, it makes a point about personal responsibility, interpersonal competence, conflcit resolution and life and career success.

The woman in 14C never told Cheryl and me that we were disturbing her sleep. Instead, she chose to complain to the flight attendant about our conversation. It came across to both Cheryl and me as a pretty hostile gesture. We both wondered why she just didn’t ask us to speak more softly. That’s what an interpersonally competent person would have done. That’s what someone who was taking responsibility for herself and her needs would have done.

It’s called being assertive. Assertive people stand up for their rights, but do it in such a way as not to offend other people. Passive people let others trample on them and don’t stand up for their rights, and they often don’t get what they want. Aggressive people get what they want, but at the expense of others. In this case, 14C was being aggressive.

There are two common sense career success coach points here: one, take responsibility for yourself. Tell people how you feel. Don’t let others do things that make your life unpleasant.  And two, stand up for yourself in an assertive, non aggressive, way.  Follow the career advice in Tweet 133 in Success Tweets.  “Resolve conflict positively.  Treat conflict as an opportunity to strengthen, not destroy, the relationships you’ve worked hard to build.”  Conflict can destroy relationships – and it can strengthen them.  When you find yourself in conflict with another person, choose to see it as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship with them.  The career advice here is simple.  Resolve conflict by acting in a positive, proactive and assertive manner.

That’s my take on the career advice in Tweet 133 in Success Tweets.  What’s yours?  Please take a few minutes to leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud

I’m really enjoying writing this series of posts further explaining the ideas in my latest career success coach book, Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less.  I hope you’re enjoying reading them.  I’m pleased to say that Success Tweets is now in its second printing.  You can pick up a copy at your local book store, or online at Amazon.com.  Better yet, you can download the eBook for free at http://www.successtweets.com.

Today’s career advice comes from Tweet 89…

Create your own unique personal organization system based on your needs and what works for you.

When I did a Google search on “personal organization” I came across an article by Roy Posner in which he listed several ways in which you can become better organized.  Here is his career advice for becoming better organized:

• Organize the physical things around you — your home, your paperwork and your finances.
• Increase your level of cleanliness and orderliness.
• Be punctual and on time.
• Prioritize to whom your emotions and attention should go. 
• Manage your time, your schedule and your work.
• Systematize activities in your life — from cleaning and cooking to bookkeeping.
• Balance your work load during the day.
• Coordinate and organize your communications with others.
• Further organize and distill the knowledge you have in life.
• Delegate work, tasks, and duties to others when appropriate. 
• Determine your goals and aspirations.
• Sort out what is truly important to you in life.
• Organize and prioritize your personal values.
• Organize your mind and your thoughts for better thinking and understanding.

Which things on this list give you the most difficulty?  What have you done to deal with them?  What’s worked and what hasn’t worked?  Please leave a comment sharing your personal advice with us.

I’ve found that two pieces of Roy’s advice have benefited me greatly over the years.  By “sorting out what is truly important to me in my life,” and “organizing and prioritizing my personal values,” I’ve been able to create the focus I need to become a life and career success.

Early on, I discovered that I value three things above all others.  1) Always do your best.  2) Treat everyone with the dignity and respect they deserve as human beings.  3) Be willing to help others with no strings attached.

Once I came to the understanding that these principals are the ones by which I want to live my life, little things — like choosing a career — became obvious to me.  That’s why I became a VISTA Volunteer upon my graduation from college and why I got into the training and development field after I completed my year of service.

It’s also why I’ve expanded my consulting and speaking practice to include coaching.  Being a career success coach allows me to work one to one with others, helping them achieve life and career success.

What is truly important in your life?  What are your personal values?  How have you used them to guide your quest for life and career success?

The common sense career success coach point here is simple.  Outstanding performers are well organized.  They follow the career advice in Tweet 88 in Success Tweets.  “Create your own unique personal organization system based on your needs and what works for you.”  Determining the things that are truly important to you in your life can help you become better organized.  Once you are clear on what is important to you, and the personal values by which you want to live your life, it becomes easier to make important life and career success decisions.  If you are floundering a bit, go back to basics.  Determine what is truly important to you in life.  Then choose a set of values that will guide your behavior.  Once you do this, a lot of life and career success decisions that may have been perplexing will become more clear to you.

That’s my take on the career advice in Success Tweet 89, personal organization, and personal values.  What’s yours?  Please take a minute to leave a comment on your experiences in this area.  As always, thanks for reading – and writing.

Bud

My latest career success coach book, Success Tweets: 140 Bits of Common Sense Career Success Advice, All in 140 Characters or Less is now available on Amazon.com and in bookstores.  I am in the process of blogging about each of the tweets in it. You can get a free copy of Success Tweets at www.SuccessTweets.com.  If you like it, I’d appreciate a positive review on Amazon.com.

Today’s career success coach post is on Tweet 37…

It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it.  Don’t dwell on the negative, use it as a springboard to action and creativity.

Successful people have a habit of focusing on the positive and putting the negative out of their minds.  Positive habits like this are an important key to career success.  Habits are like muscles.  The more you use them, the stronger they get. 

I call my friend Dan Robey  “The King of Positive Habits.”  His eBook, The Power of Positive Habits, is one of my go to books when I need to give myself a little boost.  You can get a copy at www.ThePowerOfPositiveHabits.com.

Dan’s book is based on the idea of cognitive restructuring.  According to Dan, “cognitive restructuring is learning to identify your personal cycle of negative thoughts, habits and routines and replacing them with positive thoughts, habits and routines that will provide you with lifelong benefits.”

Today, I’d like to discuss an important positive habit –proactively managing your stress.  When I was a kid about a million years ago, there was a popular song.  I believe it was a show tune.  A couple of the lines went like this…

You’ve got to ac – cen – tu – ate the positive, and
e — lim — in – ate the negative.

I don’t know the show.  If you do, please leave a comment letting us know.  I’ll give a free copy of one of the eBook version of Straight Talk for Success to everybody who knows the name of the show and shares it in a comment.

Anyway, I was thinking about that song the other day because I came across a new book on stress management by Evelyn Brooks and called Forget Your Troubles: Enjoy Your Life Today.

Evelyn suggests that you get S.M.A.R.T. about managing stress…

• S     Smash the negative.
• M    Maximize the positive.
• A    Act.
• R    Relax.
• T    Target your next action.

Sounds a lot like the “accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative” advice in the song.  As they say, “there’s nothing new under the sun.”  As a career success coach, I agree.  It doesn’t matter if you “accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative,” “smash the negative and maximize the positive,” or do a bit of “cognitive restructuring,” you’ll be on your way to managing your stress and becoming a life and career success.

Stuff happens as you go through life; positive stuff, negative stuff, happy stuff, sad stuff, frustrating stuff.  The negative sad and frustrating stuff leads to stress.  The important thing is not what happens to you, but how you react to it. 

In other words, smash your negative thoughts; replace them with positive ones.  Don’t dwell on the negative, use it as a springboard to action and creativity.  Maximize the positive in your life by creating positive habits and routines.  When something goes well, take the time to celebrate.  You deserve it.  Small celebrations when you succeed are a positive habit that will put you in a positive frame of mind; which in turn, will help you create more life and career successes.

I have given away almost 1,000 copies of the eBook version of Success Tweets.  I mention this because I’m celebrating.  I want to get the positive message and the career advice in Success Tweets into the hands of as many people as I can.  I’m accentuating and maximizing the positive. 

You might say that 1,000 people choosing to receive a free eBook is a not reason for a huge celebration; but for me it is – and I’m following my own career success advice by doing some cognitive restructuring — creating a habit of celebrating small successes.  Celebrating small wins is a great positive habit for me.  It helps me manage my stress and not get overwhelmed by the negatives that invariably creep into my life.  I’m sticking to it.

The common sense career success coach point here is simple.  Successful people follow the career advice in Tweet 37 in Success Tweets.  “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it.  Don’t dwell on the negative, use it as a springboard to action and creativity.”  Get competent.  Create positive personal impact.  Become an outstanding performer and a dynamic communicator.  Build strong relationships with the important people in your life.  Manage your stress.  Positive habits will help you do all of these.  Smash the negatives in your life.  Create positive thoughts, habits and routines.  Use the negatives that come your way as learning experiences.  Use positive thoughts, habits and routines to create small victories.  Treat these small victories as a reason for celebration.  Celebrating small victories is a good way to keep things in perspective and build the resilience necessary for dealing with the tough times -– and for ac – cen – tu – ating the positive, and e — lim — in – ating the negative.  Take it from a career success coach, positive habits are powerful and will help your become the life and career success you deserve to be.

That’s my take on the career advice in Tweet 37 in Success Tweets.  What’s yours?  Please leave a comment sharing your thoughts with us.  As always, thanks for reading.

Bud